Pain that beats so hard in u
You get cracks in your rib cage .
Month: January 2020
2020 resolves
Yes it’s possible to have cold feet in 50 degree weather
I’m writing this so I remember to stay as calm as possible
I realized last year that all anger is is destructive, I don’t want to be angry this decade . I don’t need to press self destruct. At least not again
I’m also scared to resolve to stay away from any form of self harm. I’m scared because I’ve failed to do so many many times in the past. I know I’ll break my already broken heart again if I attempt and fail . But then to not try at all doesn’t seem fair to myself . I’m in my 20’s , I shouldn’t still be struggling with this . I should be healed and grow. . Maybe 20 is just a trial run and ages 21-29 are supposed to be better . I gambled with my life way too much last year . How much I didn’t care was the scariest part. When the darkness comes , it clouds your headspace so much you rationalize everything. I know for a fact that part of the damage is entirely my fault . I wasn’t self aware initially so I didn’t want to admit that. These last few years I forced myself to look in the mirror and take in everything I was, everything I had done to myself . Scratch what other people had done , I had inflicted the most damage and the moment you choose to ignore that there goes the self awareness . I think when you’re depressed being self aware is crazy because the blame game falls heavily on you. Sure living with the consequences of other people’s actions is horrible but living with the consequences of your own actions is brutal . I guess it hard to believe that we can cause ourselves so much suffering
astoldbyabrowngirl 